Steve Rogers ☆ Captain America (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
punched_hitler) wrote2014-09-03 10:12 pm
punched_hitler) wrote2014-09-03 10:12 pm
☆ 6 ☆ (VIDEO)
So I know it's only been two days, but anyone who's made it through two days of Basic so far - trust me. It could be worse. [He cocks a wry grin. Bucky's not the worst drill sergeant Steve's seen, and besides:] You could have asthma.
[Yeah, he's pretty sure he almost died at least ten times during Basic. And he got the much abbreviated version.
Anyway.]
If anyone's got any questions, or just wants to get in some extra practice with a different face, let me know. But, [he raises one finger,] I'm not your Drill Sergeant, and I'm not about to contradict anything he says just because you want to hear he's wrong - because he's not. [So just keep that in mind. Steve might be helping Bucky, but Bucky's in charge here.]
[PRIVATE TO MINDY MACREADY]
Hey. Just because I'm not your temporary warden anymore doesn't mean we need to ignore each other, right? Remember, I'm right down the hall if you need anything - whether it's a couch or a punching bag. [Literally or figuratively.
Still, he doesn't want to push. She doesn't seem like she'd respond well to that. He can only offer, she's got to take him up on it. So.] Otherwise... I'm sure I'll see you in the gym.
[PRIVATE TO VEX]
[He's seen Vex on the network, but they've never spoken. Now, though, it looks like that's going to have to change.] I guess I should introduce myself - I'm Captain Rogers. Or you can call me Steve. I admit, I don't know much about you - but I'd like to think I'm a pretty good listener.
[Yeah, he's pretty sure he almost died at least ten times during Basic. And he got the much abbreviated version.
Anyway.]
If anyone's got any questions, or just wants to get in some extra practice with a different face, let me know. But, [he raises one finger,] I'm not your Drill Sergeant, and I'm not about to contradict anything he says just because you want to hear he's wrong - because he's not. [So just keep that in mind. Steve might be helping Bucky, but Bucky's in charge here.]
[PRIVATE TO MINDY MACREADY]
Hey. Just because I'm not your temporary warden anymore doesn't mean we need to ignore each other, right? Remember, I'm right down the hall if you need anything - whether it's a couch or a punching bag. [Literally or figuratively.
Still, he doesn't want to push. She doesn't seem like she'd respond well to that. He can only offer, she's got to take him up on it. So.] Otherwise... I'm sure I'll see you in the gym.
[PRIVATE TO VEX]
[He's seen Vex on the network, but they've never spoken. Now, though, it looks like that's going to have to change.] I guess I should introduce myself - I'm Captain Rogers. Or you can call me Steve. I admit, I don't know much about you - but I'd like to think I'm a pretty good listener.
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Besides, it's not like it takes very much to remind Steve of why he's here. And he's here because of Bucky, in a way - in a lot of ways. He's here because he messed up and he needs time to work out how he's going to fix it. Only the problem is, with Bucky here...
It's hard to want to go home. And that just makes him feel worse. But then Bucky goes and says that, and Steve's reminded all over again that he's been lying to his best friend ever since he got here, even if it's lying by omission. And it's hard. Especially when he sees Bucky like this, thinking he's dead, thinking it's his fault. It's not Bucky's fault, Steve's damn sure of that.
He thinks he manages to keep the hurt look off his face pretty well, shaking his head.] No, it's -
[He stops. He's not sure he should ask - yeah, the two of them are family, they've been through hell and back, but he's still not sure. Even so, the words seem to come out on their own.] What's your deal? With the Admiral.
[He winces, because maybe that wasn't the best way to ask. But it's out, now. If Bucky doesn't want to answer, he's got to know all he has to do is say so.
But Steve wants to know. Because he knows what he thinks it is. Based on everything he knows about Bucky... he's pretty sure his guess has to be at least partly right.]
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Anyway, Bucky doesn't hesitate, and he doesn't try to tell Steve off for asking. Far from it. He feels like the answer's obvious, and from the way he looks at Steve, it's clear he doesn't think he has anything to hide.]
To survive the fall. [Although whether that means never falling off or just getting picked up and plopped safely in the future or what, he's not sure. He figured he'd talk out the details with the Admiral once Helena graduates. Or something.
Honestly, it's a weird issue to think about, because it's not as simple as him just going home and surviving the war. Hell, even if he survived the train, he could die a week later in some other accident, and then they'd be right back here.]
Which I guess we've gotta talk about, because I don't wanna live through the next couple decades thinking you're dead in some iceberg, somewhere.
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Although it's obvious Bucky showed up here before someone else found him, or they wouldn't be having this conversation in the first place.
At first, he just nods - yeah, that's the answer he was expecting. If their places were reversed, it's exactly what he would ask. But the really, really fucked up thing is that Bucky's asking for something that's going to happen anyway.
Steve has this horrible sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that the Admiral wouldn't correct him, anyway. He'd just give him what he'd asked for - which wasn't giving him anything at all.
But there's always the chance that the Admiral might have a heart, and that he'd change things so that fall never happened, or so that Bucky gets back to the Allies, or... a hundred other things. And that would change everything, and for a second, it's pretty confusing. If Bucky had been alive... would Steve have been so adamant about taking that plane down?
The answer might still be yes. But it's something that he's not sure should change, anyway.] I - yeah. That would be... no. I don't want that.
[That, at least, is the truth.] I guess it was a lot simpler, before I showed up, [he says; his voice is wry, quiet, but the look on his face and the tone of his voice should also say he's not sorry he's here.]
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And there's always the chance he could come back again, make another deal. He's thought about that.
(Or he'd survive because of what HYDRA did to him, but he tries not to put too much faith in that. Or think about it. Even if it's harder here, when he's got evidence that something is really, really wrong with him.)
Bucky manages a small smile when Steve confirms that's not what he'd want, not that he'd doubted it, really, and then he shoves him a little halfheartedly when he continues.]
Well, you better not leave, because I like having you around. Who knows why. [There are a million reasons.
He's quiet for a bit, looking at Steve and trying to figure out how best to resolve this, even though he's tired and in kind of a weird mood, and still not really sure how to actually cope with any of this.
Except it feels like he's coping just fine, sometimes. So he just doesn't really get it.]
So, what do you wanna do?
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Maybe it's just... he needs to hear it, every once a while. It helps, when sometimes he thinks about going home and how lonely it was, and how easily he's fallen back into sharing space with Bucky on the Barge.]
Who knows, [and he's still smiling, for a minute, but then Bucky falls silent, and he asks that question, and yeah, maybe he should have seen it coming, but...
Steve honestly doesn't know.
The smile fades, and it feels like his mind's going in circles. What does he want to do? He doesn't know. He never planned on a miracle. Or an Admiral's deal.
Or two. Because there are two of them.
But that's - wrong, it's the easy way out, and he's got to pay for his mistakes, doesn't he? But Bucky shouldn't, he's sure of that, and if they can work this so Bucky doesn't have to go through what he did...
God. It's tempting. It's so tempting.
But it just feels wrong. The past is the past. How is he supposed to solve things when suddenly he can change that?]
I don't know, [he admits, after what feels like forever. But then, there is one thing he knows, and it comes pretty quickly on the heels of that admission.] I don't want you on that plane with me. Not if it's going down.
[Maybe it's a horrible thing to say. He doesn't even know. But he remembers drowning - vividly. If you honestly want to know what he wants... it's not that for Bucky. Never that. He doesn't even know if Bucky could survive that crash, he still doesn't have enough information on what HYDRA did to him before and what they did to him after. If he woke up alone in the future, just to be told Bucky hadn't made it...
No. He's been through that once. It's not that he thinks falling off a cliff is kinder than going down on that plane. Maybe it's not. But he honestly doesn't know that he could look Bucky in the face and watch him drown, either.
Maybe that just makes him a coward.]
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He knows Steve doesn't mean he wants him to die, or that he doesn't miss him or want him around, because God knows he'd be saying the exactly same thing if their positions were reversed - and he doesn't even know the truth about what happened, that Steve hadn't just been knocked unconscious in the crash and woken up decades later - but he still finds himself glaring at him.]
Maybe I want to be there. [And the thing is? He doesn't want to die again, and he doesn't want Steve to go through losing him again, but he means it. Steve crashing the plane alone in the Arctic upsets him on a level he wasn't sure was possible anymore, not after how beaten down he's become, and it just seems like it would make sense. They were supposed to be in this together.
Except he might die in the crash, and Steve's already been alive for years without him, and is it fair on him to ask him to rewrite that? Probably not.
There's no good answer, and abruptly, he feels just as exhausted and strange as he had when they'd been walking back from the HYDRA factory. Like he's here and alive, but maybe like his body doesn't really belong to him anymore, he's just sort of dazed and along for the ride, wherever they wind up. And that's fine, he can work with it, because God knows he's had to make do with less, but he still finds himself almost wishing he could just crumple on the ground and stay there until he feels like moving again.
He doesn't, though. He's worn out, but he's not broken, and so he just runs a hand through his hair, almost distractedly.]
How'd we get here, Steve? [He's asked something like it before, on a bad day when they'd lost a lot of people - not from the Commandos, thank God, but from one of the companies supporting them - and Bucky had been feeling scared and bitter and desperately sad then, too, except then it had been snowing, dark and miserable, and now they're standing on some grassy hills, with trees rustling in the wind, birds singing, no sign of danger or horror or war. It should be good, he should feel safe, and on some level, he does.
Except he's carrying an M1 and wearing a combat uniform, and Steve's dressed like a civilian. Bucky's still stuck in 1945, and Steve's not, and that's good, but it still hurts.
His mouth still twists into a grin in an attempt to lighten the mood. It looks pained, and probably doesn't really work.] This is so fucked up.
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But that's all part of what he can't tell Bucky, so of course it comes across badly, and he is sorry for that.
Besides… he knows exactly what he'd be saying, in Bucky's place. And it's that he sure as hell would want to be there, too.] I didn't mean it like that, [he says - and he's not being belligerent, the best he can do is sound apologetic, because he is - he just can't explain why.] But I still don't want it to happen.
[He just hates feeling this way - hates not knowing what to do, what to say around Bucky because there are things he can't tell him, and he's honestly never been in this position before. He's never kept something like this (not that anything like this, exactly, has ever been an issue) from him, never not been able to lean on Bucky or let Bucky lean on him.
Well. He can still let Bucky lean on him. Bucky's just too damn stubborn to do it. Because he looks like he could use someone to lean on, about now, but Steve's also afraid that saying that isn't going to get them anywhere.
Bucky's asked that before, sure - and the funny thing is, the answer hasn't changed. So for once, Steve lets himself say what's on his mind, because Bucky doesn't need to know the whole of it. It won't matter - he'll understand in terms of what he does know, when Steve just lets out a tired sigh that sounds a lot more lost than he means for it to, and says,] HYDRA.
[Because that's what it comes down to, isn't it? HYDRA. They were behind nearly everything that changed Steve and Bucky's lives during this war, and they haven't stopped since. Steve feels like they've been hounding him for a lifetime - and they kind of have, if you count those sixty-seven years in between.
They're still doing it, even now - back home, and right here, in the way Bucky's smile is more pained than anything, and that pains Steve. A lot.] I know. It is. It really, really is.
[And maybe Bucky won't let himself crumble - okay, neither will Steve - but he at least goes to sit down, leaning back against one of the trees, because he just can't take standing around anymore. It doesn't really help, but it's not worse, either, and maybe Bucky'll give himself a little break, too, since he's likely been in here since before five this morning.] I really don't know what I want to do. But we've got two deals, between us. We can make this work.
[He's just going to have to be careful about it - about how they figure it out, about steering Bucky in the right direction without letting on about too much. He's never been good at this kind of thing, but he'll give it a shot.
Maybe he should start by being at least as open and honest as he can.] I think that plane needs to go down, Buck. Somehow, some way. But, [he goes on, before Bucky can get any bright ideas about changing the way that happens] I think I've gotta… take that sixty-seven-year nap. I feel like that can't change, either.
[Even if he wouldn't remember things having been different, getting himself sent back to 1945, even a 1945 where Bucky lives seems… wrong, somehow.
Even though he can't help but imagine it, for a second, and it seems like a perfect solution.
Maybe that's why he figures it must be wrong. Life's never perfect, and when you try to make it perfect… it backfires like hell.]
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(Alright, it might not be okay. But they're here, so maybe it will be.)
So his move after that is also more or less predetermined, even if he waits for the other man to settle down before moving. (He glances up at the tree and then over his shoulder before doing it, and he knows why he does, but he pretends it's just a casual thing.) Bucky takes a seat next to Steve and props his rifle against the tree - carefully, because taking care of your weapon is one of the first things you get drilled into your skull during basic and there's some (a lot of) stuff he's never going to be able to shake off - before shifting around a little so his shoulder's pressed up against his friend's, which means Steve's propping him up, too. Or Bucky's trying to prop Steve up.
He listens and nods at the right moments, trying to ignore the steady buzz of frustration and... nerves? that come along with it. It's easier when he focuses his breathing, like he's trying to guide Steve through an asthma attack, or line up a shot through his scope.]
Okay. [The plane has to go down. Steve has to wind up frozen. He can accept that. Of course, it's a hell of a lot easier to since he knows Steve survives anyway.
But he's absolutely not leaving it at that, and the look he levels at his friend is just as stubborn and angry as it always has been in the face of Steve's stupid lack of self preservation.]
Then I'm taking it with you, because there's no way in hell I'm gonna wait until I'm ninety four to go rescue your stupid ass.
[Just the thought of it makes him already feel like he's barely holding it together, because he literally doesn't want to even vaguely consider what life would be like for him after that. The war would be over, but it would have stolen literally everything he had from him, and he just- he can't. He might still be breathing, but he'd still feel dead.]
Besides, [He continues, the anger bleeding out of his voice as he looks away from Steve and back out at the scenery around them. There's something like humor in his voice, but it's almost flat. This really isn't funny at all.] What the fuck would I have to even go back to if you weren't there?
[He doesn't have a job, he doesn't have some girl waiting for him, he doesn't have any other family, not really. He has Steve, and he doesn't know how he's supposed to cope with any of this without him. Sure, he's got other buddies, but it's not the same.]
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Steve doesn't miss the way Bucky glances around before he sits, but he isn't going to call him on it, either. In a way, it's nice to have someone watching his back, and that's what Bucky's always done. And when Bucky wedges his shoulder in up against Steve's, there's an answering weight; if Bucky's propping him up, Steve sure as hell plans to reciprocate.
Maybe it's less that he's not likely to share space as he just needs to be told it's still okay. And right now, it definitely seems okay - which is a relief. A big one. This isn't an easy conversation, and it's harder because Steve's withholding half of it from Bucky. It's his own damn fault, he knows, but it's for the best. Telling Bucky the truth just isn't an option.
He's glad, at least, that Bucky doesn't argue about the plane.
Stupidly enough, it's what Bucky says, about taking that nap with him, that makes him lean his head back and laugh a little. Let Bucky think it's because of the bit about being an old man. Steve's really laughing, helplessly, about the fact that that's exactly what happened, in a twisted way, and it's funny how these things work, isn't it?
He's starting to think that anything Bucky can ask the Admiral for… it's the same thing. It's already happened. He's starting to feel a little backed into a corner, here.] I wouldn't ask you to wait. Patience is not a virtue you possess, pal.
[But what really gets him is what Bucky says last, about going back home, and about what he would go back to.
His mouth just twists for a minute, and he glances at Bucky, nodding vaguely, although he's definitely thinking about something else, just for a minute. Sometime else, when he was sitting in the ruined Stork Club, and staring at a bottle of wine that wasn't having any of the desired effect and wondering just what the hell he was supposed to do now.] Yeah. I know. [I know exactly what you're talking about, stupid, he wants to say, I know because what did I have?
But he can't say that. That's cruel, and he's not cruel. He can't even joke about it.]
Then you don't go home - I mean, not like that, [he finally says.] I just… I think we've got to be careful about this. The Admiral - he's kind of half-cocked, you know? [He tries to laugh a little.] So we can't be.
Which I know is a challenge, for some of us, here.
[Now he does elbow Bucky, gently, but he's talking about them both and Bucky knows it.] I just… I need time to think about it. You need time to think about it. I don't have an answer right now.
[Well, that's why he's here, isn't it? Time. He needs time. Even though he's not sure all the time in the world is ever going to be enough to figure this out, not really.
Because he really, really doesn't know what to do when Bucky's card comes up, when Helena graduates and it's time for him to leave. What is Steve going to say then? Will he have an answer by then? Will it be the right one? Is there a right answer, here? Everything is so fucked up, like Bucky said, and Steve feels a little trapped in his own head, with no one to talk it over with. But that's just the price - and he's willing to pay it.]
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Sometimes, Bucky feels like this is something new, like the war and everything that had happened to them has driven some kind of wedge between them that wasn't there before, but then he remembers stubborn arguments about who could pay for what, and whether or not Steve was well enough to do something, and what fights were worth getting the shit kicked out of you for, and rationalizes maybe it's not that new. They're just different arguments or roadblocks, and they're a little different, too.
So he just takes that all in - I don't have an answer right now - and tries to forget about it. His time on the front lines had taught him that you can't dwell on anything, or it'll start to eat away at you, and he figures that's true about all of this - death, an uncertain future - too.]
Okay. [And that's that. The conversation's over, and he tries to focus on something else.
... Tries.
There are the obvious things - Steve's solid weight pressed up against him, the gentle breeze, the rustling leaves overhead - but it's not really enough to take his mind off it entirely, and it kind of feels like the constantly whirring gears of thought in his head are going to drive him insane.
(Sometimes, he finds himself missing the war. It was easier to keep your mind off things when you had other stuff to be focusing on, a mission to run, a job to do, people to protect. There's too much down time here, and he's not sure what to do with it.)
Bucky stays silent and tips his head back against the tree trunk, letting his eyes dip shut for a moment. He's so friggin' tired.]
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But that's not true anymore - back home, or here. He's still got Bucky, and he'll do whatever it takes to keep him. He glances over, when Bucky's been quiet for a minute, and can't help but smile a little, feeling maybe slightly triumphant that he got Bucky to sit down and close his eyes, even if he doesn't feel triumphant that he needed to in the first place. Bucky's had a couple of rough nights - Steve can't help but notice, they're sleeping in the same space - but he figures it'll pass.
Even so.] Hey, [he says - trying to keep it quiet, because he figures Bucky doesn't need to open his eyes, he can rest and listen at the same time.] They've… uh. They've learned a lot about how to get used to living in a place that's not the front lines, by 2014.
[He winces a little - that sounded pretty pathetic. And it's not as though Steve's taken advantage of that. Or knows what exactly it entails, past stopping by that one session of Sam's. But he still knows it's fact. And that maybe it could help Bucky, if he's really having bad nightmares. If he's really going to keep running himself ragged just because he doesn't know what else to do with himself.
(It never actually strikes Steve that these are all things he does, but it's always easier to see them in someone else, isn't it?)]
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(It's irritating, actually, that he's been throwing himself into this stupid fake Basic, and he's still sleeping badly. He'd kind of been hoping he'd be wearing himself up enough with long days and physical activity to at least sleep a little bit sounder at night.)
In any case, Steve's comment strikes him as... well. More than a little awkward, because obviously he's going somewhere with this and it doesn't take a genius to figure out where, but still. C'mon, Rogers, be a little more subtle.
Bucky just raises his eyebrows in mock surprise, without opening his eyes.]
Oh yeah?
[Where are you going with this, Steve?]
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Bucky's not a civilian - neither is Steve - and he doesn't expect either of them to really, truly act like one. Maybe they never will again. But Bucky seems to have a harder time of it, and maybe it's because he didn't wake up and hear that the war was over in the same, concrete way Steve did. When Bucky goes back, the war will still be on. It's not over for him - not really, not even though he thinks he's dead.
When Steve woke up... the war was half a century in the past. There was no going back. He had to accept it and move on, and SHIELD at least gave him that time. Or tried to, before Loki showed up with his alien army in tow.
So he rolls his eyes at Bucky's expression, even if Bucky's eyes are still closed, because yeah, he can read it, plain as day. And he knows he's doing a piss-poor job at this. But that doesn't stop him.] Yeah. I mean, I'm just saying... being a soldier on the front lines is different than being a soldier in a civilian city during peacetime. [Which is what Captain America is, these days.
A pause.] It's kinda different than being a soldier on a prison barge, too. [And that's what they both are, now. He tries to sound wry, teasing, at least.] Even though it's pretty hard to turn your instincts off.
[Or you don't want to. Steve has this bad feeling that Bucky won't let himself - and it might be because Steve's here. If Bucky's still trying to watch his back, he's never going to give himself a break.
But he doesn't think it's necessarily all about that, either. Bucky's always had his back. just not always with a rifle and scope.]
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Sure, protecting Steve and protecting other people comes into play too, but some of it is just learned survival skills. He's reluctant to give them up because dropping your guard means you get killed, and he's not entirely convinced this place is that much different from a "safe" space during the war.
You could still get shot or blown up somewhere "safe", and you can still get murdered, here.
So he doesn't open his eyes, but he does frown a little, looking somewhere between annoyed and trying to be unfazed by the discussion, and folds his arms over his chest. It does look a little defensive, or self protective.]
If this is about the kids whining I'm too hard on them during training, I told them they can quit whenever they want.
[He has a feeling it's not that, though.
Unless you talked to Lydia, and she blabbed that he's totally ready and willing to kill that damn vampire if it comes to that. And Bucky's pretty sure it will.
In either case, he's getting less and less sure he likes where this is going.]
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And some of Bucky's habits are ones that he shares; he still jumps at shadows every once in a while, and he ends up sleeping on the couch or in a chair nearly half as often as he sleeps in the bed.
But it's different, still. He's not as on-edge as Bucky is, and he doesn't carry weapons. Maybe part of that is because he is a weapon, but not all of it. Working for SHIELD, he's gotten more used to the idea of a mission being a mission, and home being home - and safe. And he maybe gets off a little easy, trusting to peak human senses and reflexes, rather than simple hyper-vigilance.
It all just serves to make him painfully aware of how easy he has had it, over Bucky. And he's not sure how to even the playing field, or if he ever can.]
It's not about the kids, [he says, slow but sure.] It's about - look, I had to re-learn some things, after they woke me up. [And learn a lot of new things, to boot - although maybe that actually made it easier. He'll never know.] You're a warden here, Buck. It's just… not quite the same as active duty.
[Maybe not a lot different, either. But not entirely the same.
And he's really not sure he's doing this right at all, in the first place. Bucky looks more defensive than anything, and that's the last thing Steve wants - to get his hackles up.]
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So Bucky opens his eyes, turns his head, and while he's not quite glaring, his brow's furrowed and he's frowning, and the whole thing adds up to looking kind of ticked off.]
I know, Steve. [Did he talk to Lydia? Is this going to be a rehash of that conversation, of how Bucky's not, and won't ever be sorry for the things he had to learn to do because it kept people safe] I'm not stupid.
[Part of him wants to say more. Wants to say he knows they're not the same, but they're not that different, either. He doesn't remember much about his time here before, but he knows he died, and he knows it wasn't pretty. That because they weren't prepared, he and Ben had gotten captured, and a lot of people had gotten hurt. You can't afford to let your guard down, not even here, and he's tired of being treated like he's the one who did something wrong, who's doing something wrong.
He's not. He's doing what he has to to keep himself and other people alive, and he's not going to apologize for it. And he's sure as hell not going to explain himself to anyone about it, not even Steve.
So he clams up instead. He closes his eyes, turns away again, and doesn't say anything else, except the lines of tension around his face don't go away. Of course, he doesn't get up and leave, either, but he's definitely kind of pissed.]
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Especially with regard to Bucky.
But for once, Steve knows when to back off. He doesn't want to - hell no, he really, really doesn't want to - but if he's learned anything from watching Sam Wilson at work, it's that sometimes, barreling right in just isn't the answer. Sometimes, it's a waiting game.
He's willing to wait for Bucky forever, back home. So he's willing to wait forever for Bucky here, too. Even if he knows he isn't going to wait forever before trying to bring this up again. The way he's acting isn't doing Bucky any favors, but pointing out that hey, the war is over for you, too, only rubs his face in something that Steve's already feeling horrible enough about. So for once in his life, he drops it, and just says, carefully - but not patronizingly,]
I never said you were.
[He can pretty much feel the tension radiation off of Bucky; Steve just nudges his shoulder, and doesn't get up, but doesn't say anything else.]
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But it still rubs him the wrong way, because it's easier to pretend like nothing's wrong, that he's totally fine, and he doesn't want anyone treating him differently. Especially not Steve.
So several seconds later, Bucky elbows him in return. The gesture might be a little half hearted, but it happens, and Bucky still doesn't get up to leave, either, so hopefully, things are okay.
(They have to be okay. He really doesn't know what he'll do if they're not.)][It's a further attempt at a peace offering, because if Steve wants to get food or do something else as a distraction, he's up for it. But he'll also sit here forever if that's what Steve wants to do.]