punched_hitler | For all of us who've seen the light

Leading a lost man was probably about right. Steve just followed along, letting Sam tug him in any direction he wanted. When he sat on the couch... it was really more like collapsing onto it.

He was silent for a long moment, lost in his thoughts. Probably a couple of moments, really, before he managed to look back up at Sam. "I... know what I want to do... but I'm not sure if that's just being selfish," he finally said, smiling faintly, almost as an afterthought, as Sam's lips touched his fingers - it was comforting, and he appreciated it. Very much. "But I want to give Bucky the chance he deserves."

At least, the chance he thought Bucky deserved. "I mean... I want him back. But I don't know if... that's what he'd want. I think so. It's his body. His life. Shouldn't he be the one to have it?"

Sam nodded. "You know him the best of any of us. If any of us would know what he would do, it would be you." He watched Steve for a moment.

Then he straightened up. "I actually watched Riley die right in front of me. In midair. Do you know..." His breath caught. "There was blood, everywhere. It was all over me. I went back and it looked like I'd been bathing in tomato juice, or something.

"I know it's not the same as what Bucky's been through. That much pain and death... But if anybody could bring him back after that, it would be Dr. Goss. She did it for me. Managed to patch me up so I'm a somewhat functional human being again. It took a long, long time and I still have nightmares." Sam was quiet for a long few moments. "But it's your decision to make."

He sure as hell would never trust the Soldier, though. Knew that if they went that way, he would be confined to a cell for the rest of his life, and who knew how long that would be, after what Zola did to him.

But Sam also knew what intense trauma did to people. Knew the stories of prisoners of war, knew how few came back from that. He knew how many veterans were lost to suicide or alcohol or drugs. How many went homeless or were abandoned by their families. "It won't be easy, either way."

"I know him best," Steve echoed, feeling like right now, he didn't know him at all. But that was because of the Soldier, he knew - when Bucky had reappeared, he had been the same old Bucky, Steve's best friend, the only family he had left, and it had been harder and harder each time he'd been ripped away.

However, Sam's words did manage to break Steve out of his thoughts, even just for a moment. He glanced at Sam, frowning slightly, feeling like... no, Sam didn't have to tell him this. But if Sam felt it was important for him to know -

"Sam - I'm sorry," he said, moving so that Sam wasn't just holding his hand, but Steve was holding Sam's, back. "I'm sorry, I've been - kind of ignoring you," he finally managed. "And you've... you know exactly how I feel." Only... maybe not exactly, because Bucky was here, not dead, but Steve had thought Bucky was dead, and that was at least sort of the same thing. Similar, at the least. "I have nightmares where I see Bucky fall from that train, over and over," Steve said quietly. "I can remember it perfectly - I can't forget it." He physically wasn't capable of forgetting it, not now that it was etched into his super-soldier-enhanced memory. "I can't... I can't do that to him again. I've got to try to bring him back. At least give him the choice. Because living in a cell... that's not living. Not for Bucky, and not for that Soldier, either." He paused, adding - this time with conviction - "I think if it came down to that, we'd both rather he be dead."

But only if it actually came down to that. And he prayed it wouldn't.

"Nothing is ever easy," he said. "Nothing worth having. It's always hard. That's - okay with me. I've never been one to take the easy way out." He smiled, just a little, finally, at Sam. "I'm sure you know that by now."

Edited 2014-06-09 05:06 (UTC)

Sam smiled back, then nodded. "Alright. Yeah, I do know that if there's an easy way, you'll climb a mountain to get there instead." Steve's hand was wrapped around his now as well. The reassurance was nice. He knew he would do the same thing Steve was doing now. If there had been the slightest chance of bringing Riley back, he would have done it, no matter the cost.

"JARVIS, will you tell Dr. Goss?"

"Of course, right away," came the reply.

"Good." Sam smiled. He leaned in, one hand going to Steve's thigh as he went in for a kiss. They hadn't done much of anything together besides kissing since they'd arrived here, but Sam was hoping they could maybe change that, before they were once again absorbed in helping Bucky.

"Yeah, I'm a little stubborn like that," Steve tried to laugh, though it came out just a little flat. But it was true. And somehow, the fact that Sam understood his decision - and didn't try to talk him out of it - made him feel a lot better about it. Maybe Sam would have supported him either way, but he liked to think that if Sam really thought he was going to do the wrong thing, he'd have said something. His genuine support means everything in the world to Steve, just now.

And once the decision is made, Steve actually relaxes, just a little. Oh, the hard part isn't over, but at least he's made a decision, one he can at least feel is the right one. He leaned back into the couch a little, eyes starting to flutter closed (out of relief, not exhaustion) when Sam leaned closer, making Steve's lips quirk up just a little. "I... was supposed to make some stuff up to you," he said quietly - and he probably hadn't gotten much of a chance. "Is late better than never?" He had a feeling Sam wouldn't exactly say no.

Sam smiled and said, "Yes, it is." He let go of Steve's hand as he pressed their lips together, the hand not on Steve's thigh going to the back of his neck to pull him in closer. "Now's a great time to make it up to me."

He hitched a leg over Steve's lap and scooted in even closer, deepening the kiss.

"I was hoping you wouldn't mind," Steve murmured, letting Sam pull them closer and putting his own hands on Sam's hips. "I mean... I know I'm kind of difficult to put up with. You deserve a reward." And he wanted to show Sam that he appreciated - loved - everything he'd done for Steve, especially when Steve had been so preoccupied in what was going on downstairs with his best fried-turned-weapon. So when Sam deepened the kiss, Steve let him have control of it, though he wasn't a pushover when it came to kissing, either. He liked kissing, actually, and he liked letting it lead to more. Especially when they had the time and the privacy for that to happen, because it wasn't always the case.

Sam hummed into Steve's mouth, fingers tangling in the hair at the back of Steve's neck, his other hand rucking up Steve's shirt. Steve was like a furnace, all the time, no doubt the result of his huge metabolism and muscle mass. Rubbing his fingers over the skin of Steve's belly, Sam said, "Better take me to bed, then, because there's only one reward I'm after." Sam was already getting hard - nothing more than kissing had left him frustrated, and jerking off in the shower just wasn't the same as Steve's hand around him, Steve in him. It was like being touched by molten lava, enough to make him melt.

Sam had kind of had to teach Steve the ropes, a little - he hadn't been all that great a lover at first, because he hadn't had all that much experience. But Steve was a fast learner, and he wasn't a selfish guy, which meant he spent a lot of time trying to please Sam. Of course, the fact that Sam seemed to like touching Steve, deriving pleasure of his own from that, was not exactly something he was going to complain about. His hands slipped down Sam's hips, over his thighs, pulling them a little closer as Sam's fingers slipped underneath his shirt. Steve might be warm, but Sam's hands were warm too, and they felt good against his bare skin. Steve might be a little better at dealing with sexual frustration, especially when he was worried about something else... but he was only human, too.

He laughed quietly against Sam's lips, saying, "Yessir," before he hooked his hands under Sam's knees and pushed them up off the couch, trusting Sam to hold on so Steve could just carry him to the bed. It was much faster that way, after all, and Sam wasn't anywhere near the maximum weight Steve could carry.

Sam let out a short noise as he was picked up and clung to Steve, hooking his legs behind his partner's back. He occupied himself with making a hickey on Steve's neck that would be gone within hours, enjoying the red mark he was creating on Steve's tan-gold skin.

Steve couldn't deny liking the way Sam clung to him - or the way he set to work making a mark that would, unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) fade pretty quickly. Hickies never lasted long, but that just gave Sam the chance to make them over and over again. Was that really so bad?

Of course, it felt so good that it took Steve a minute to get them over to the bed, because he kept getting distracted and stopping. His fingers squeezed Sam's legs gently, pulling him closer against his hips, as his lips brushed over Sam's cheek or his temple, wherever he could reach. "I thought I was supposed to be making this up to you," he said quietly, when they finally reached the bed - which was quite big, and quite comfortable, and Steve was very glad of that. "Except I kind of don't want you to stop doing that."

Sam grunted when he was deposited into the bed and kicked off his flip-flops, immediately reaching for Steve's shirt and started pulling it off over his head, fingers pushing into Steve's pecs. "Mmm, well, maybe after you get in me, I'll give you a few dozen more."

He started working at Steve's belt. "Get your shoes off."

The shiver that went through Steve's body at those words was unmistakeable. He might not be the best at making Sam hot with words, but the opposite was certainly not true. He managed to get his arms up so Sam could pull off his shirt, not caring where it ended up in the least.

Steve was suddenly regretting wearing normal shoes, rather than something that could just be kicked off like flip-flops. "Okay, but - like this," he laughed, moving to roll them over on the bed so he was on his back and Sam was straddling his waist again, because that way he could lean around Sam and get his shoes off without stopping Sam from what he was doing. Though of course, when he was done at that, Sam's shirt needed to go, and when Steve had a goal in mind, nothing could stop him.

Sam laughed, shifting to help Steve with his shirt. He waited for Steve to get his shoes off and pulled at his belt, shoving Steve's pants down past his knees so Steve could kick them off as soon as he had the chance.

He leaned down, glad Steve had transitioned to boxers. Sam rubbed the heel of his palm over Steve's dick through his underwear, his other hand going to his own dick.

Steve was more than happy to kick his pants off, once Sam had obliged him by taking care of the belt. Of course, he was far more than more than happy a second later, when Sam's hand rubbed him through his underwear, making his entire body go rigid and a flush start to spread across his skin - but a good flush, an excited one. His eyelids fluttered, but he caught sight of where Sam's other hand was going, and he gave a playful shake of his head. "Nuh-uh," he said, leaning forward, rocking their hips together so that Sam's hands were sandwiched between them, giving them both a little pressure. Then Steve managed to get one hand moving, enough to swat Sam's hand away from himself so Steve would work on Sam's pants, one-handed. Being superhumanly-dexterous came in handy, sometimes. "That's my job."

Sam grinned and hummed, obediently pulling his hand away from his crotch. Instead, he leaned in and down, mouthing at Steve through his underwear. He looked up and said, not breaking eye contact, "Better do your job, then." He grinned, pulling down the waistband of Steve's underwear, kissing the head as it appeared. Someday he would be able to take Steve to the root, but today was not that day.

"I will - " Steve managed to get out, a bit haltingly, because, "but you're making it kind of... hard."

He grinned stupidly at his own pun, but it was true - Sam was making it horribly difficult for the super-soldier to actually concentrate on much at the moment. But let it never be said that Steve Rogers wasn't determined, because despite all of that, Sam's pants were hanging open in a matter of seconds, and Steve's hand was slipping under the waistband of whatever lay beneath to touch him directly, fingers trailing deceptively lightly along the length - but not for long. Steve never teased for very long, and definitely not when he was supposed to be making something up to Sam.

Sam moaned when he was touched and pulled mouth away from Steve, though he did let his own hand linger, fingers stroking along his length easily. His other hand went to his pants and he started to shove them down, taking care not to dislodge Steve's hand or stop his own touching as he did so.

Finally Sam had his pants kicked off and they were both just in their underwear. He rocked into Steve's hand then leaned forward, pressing their lips together. He said into Steve's mouth, "Want me to suck you off, Steve?"

Steve's fingers tightened just a little around Sam, trying to give him more friction as he rocked forward. Another shiver went through his body, but he definitely wasn't cold, because he was pretty sure every inch of skin was flushed with excitement, now. At least he wasn't flushed with embarrassment. They'd managed to get over that some time ago. He waited to answer Sam's question until he'd had a nice, long - and very deep - kiss first, then mumbled against his lips, "Do you think I'm gonna say no?" Because he definitely wouldn't.

Sam grinned against Steve's mouth then pulled away, mouthing down Steve's body, fingers still trailing up and down Steve's length as he worked his way down, pausing every now and then to make another red mark before continuing. His other hand pulled down Steve underwear past his knees and leaned in, finally wrapping his mouth at the crown of Steve's dick, tonguing at the head, keeping his eyes on Steve's face.

He started to work his way down slowly. Sam could normally suck a dick like a champ, with no problem taking one all the way in, but he just couldn't do it with Steve. He tried and gagged no matter how hard he tried to suppress the reflex. Mostly he settled for going as deep as he could and working the rest with his hand.

If Sam was watching his face, he'd see how Steve's eyes fluttered closed for a moment, as his mouth got closer and closer to where he really wanted it to be. It was a bit of a struggle, wanting to keep his eyes open even though they wanted to close, but when he felt Sam's lips touch the head of his cock, he managed to pry them open because he really, really wanted to watch. That always got him heated up beyond compare.

Steve had never cared what Sam could or couldn't do, because whatever he did sure felt great. Right now was no exception - in fact, because they hadn't done much for a week or two, it felt even better than he remembered (and he had a perfect memory). "Yeah," he mumbled, one hand going to Sam's shoulder for support, while the other touched the side of his head. "God, that feels good." If he was supposed to be making anything up to Sam... it was just going to have to wait - though not very long. Normally, Steve had excellent stamina. But he was so wound up today, emotionally and physically, that he wasn't sure how long he'd last at all.

Sam smiled around Steve's cock, then took it in deeper, swallowing. The head touched the back of Sam's throat and he hummed, keeping his eyes on Steve and he slowly started to work, one hand on Steve's hip and the other on the base of Steve's dick, bobbing his head up and down.

He made sure to keep his eyes on Steve's face, his own erection momentarily forgotten - not that he minded, Steve's was plenty enough to keep him busy.

Steve wouldn't let Sam go unfulfilled for long, but for just a minute or few, it was going to be tough to get much of anything out of him other than groans and gasps. Sam was really good at this, and Steve's fingers couldn't help but tighten against his head, though he was very, very careful to keep himself under control. That was the one thing Steve had always worried about, after the serum (and it wasn't like he'd had any sex before) - he could seriously hurt his partner if he ever actually let go, and that was absolutely not what he wanted. He had to keep himself under tight control, every muscle straining, but it was worth it, so worth it, to feel Sam's hot mouth around him, getting him more and more worked up by the second. His skin flushed a little deeper, and his hips twitched - a sign that he was already having trouble holding back a release. He just wanted to let go, and after this week, his body was ready to let him have what he wanted, this once. "Sam -" he breathed; he figured Sam would know he was getting close, but it was still better to warn him that it wasn't going to take much more to push him over the edge.

Sam blinked when Steve breathed his name, moving easily when Steve's hips twitched. He could tell Steve was close, could feel it in the tenseness of his legs and back. He didn't pull away, though, instead choosing to swallow Steve down. He hummed, hoping to drive Steve over the edge, pushing down slightly on Steve's hip to try and lessen any chance of being gagged by Steve's cock when the man came.

Steve had warned Sam as best he could - and that was about all he could do. He felt Sam's efforts redouble, and it was enough to drive him crazy - and over the edge - in the very best of ways. He felt Sam's palm pressing against his hip, made every effort to keep his hips still as he felt that white-hot heat snap inside of him, making his whole body shiver as he let out a strangled sound that was probably supposed to be Sam's name as he came, hard, not realizing how badly he'd needed that release until it was suddenly upon him.

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