For all of us who've seen the light

[punched_hitler]

Meme Thread Continuation
From: Here




"Seriously," Steve said quietly, trying to smile nonchalantly, even if he still felt a little on-edge. He took a breath, held, it, then let it out at the question.

"That's the long story part. The short answer is, we've both been on ice. In my case, it was unintentional. In yours - not so much." There. That was the simplest explanation, wasn't it? It was the truth, too, if not all of it. "Honestly, you weren't gone more than a couple of weeks before I... ended up taking a very long nap. I woke up a couple of years ago when SHIELD - that's what the SSR turned into - found me. By accident, it turns out."

He watched Bucky as he spoke, looking for signs that he should stop, that it was too much - or that he could keep going.

Comments

[make_it_hurt]

He winced at the touch of cloth to his arm, then nodded. He pulled his hand away, pressing the cut to his body with the cloth in the way to try and keep pressure. "Alright." Part of him trusted Steve with his life, and the other part of him didn't, would do anything to tear Steve apart. So he couldn't tell Steve he trusted him, because it was only partially true.

[punched_hitler]

Steve nodded - glad that he was at least letting Steve treat the wound, even if there was nothing said about trust. He wasn't a doctor, but he'd learned field medicine and the healing factor should be able to make up for what he lacked. He turned, heading back for the room, pointing through the glass at where the first aid kit was. He'd need Dr. Goss to get it for him, and open the door, since it couldn't be opened from in here. Which was a good thing, if that Soldier ever did come back.

[make_it_hurt]

Dr. Goss turned and grabbed the first aid kit off the wall. She stepped into the room only a little, offering the kit.

He looked up at the doctor, eyes suddenly going wide. Then he jerked and turned his face away, breathing hard. She looked like one of the scientists who had reprogrammed him, wiping away part of his mind and replacing it with something harder, darker, colder.

He squeezed shut his eyes, trying his hardest to hold himself back.

"Steve..." Dr. Goss glanced over at Steve in worry then over at the man practically huddling into himself. He flinched when she spoke.

He had been trained to be still and silent and that was the only thing keeping that part of him back. As much as he wanted to lash out at her, for what she had done to them, he couldn't.

[punched_hitler]

"It's okay," Steve said steadily - though he wasn't sure if he was talking to Bucky, Dr. Goss, or both. Probably both. He took the first aid kit, motioning back to the door with his chin. "I think other people make him nervous." And confused. She probably already knew that, but he needed to get over to Bucky and treat that wound without him being terrified, so it would be best if the doctor wasn't in the room. Then he'd head over - carefully - in Bucky's direction to deal with that cut. "We'll just take it slow."

[make_it_hurt]

She nodded and retreated, pulling the door shut behind her. As soon as it was shut, his shoulders slumped in relief and he looked up at Steve, offering up his arm again. "Who is she?" He glanced at the mirror with something approaching fear on his face. He knew Steve and even if his feels were mixed about him, Steve had never done to him what the woman had. "Is she going to.... hurt me again?"

[punched_hitler]

"What?" Steve glanced behind them, at the glass that now just looked like a mirror, even if they both knew it wasn't. "Buck - no, she's not going to hurt you."

He started working on that cut, even as he kept talking. Maybe having two things to concentrate on at once would help Bucky to accept it a little easier. "She's a doctor. She's here to help you. I swear. I vouch for her. She won't hurt you. She's never hurt you."

[make_it_hurt]

He looked up at Steve and said, seriously, "Doctors did this to me." He didn't think he would have to say what 'this' was.

Once Steve had finished bandaging his arm, he pulled away, looking up at Steve. "We don't want to be like this, Steve. Not both of us, together. It hurts... One or the other, not both." Then he blinked and bowed his head. Tension came into his shoulders and he pushed himself away from Steve. Yasha glanced up through his hair, then turned his face away. He said, simply, "Go."

[punched_hitler]

No, he didn't have to say. Steve frowned, but kept right on working, because that let him think for a moment. "Doctors, maybe. But not Dr. Goss."

Of course, when Bucky spoke, it only confirmed what Steve had wanted. For him to be one or the other - not both. And preferably Bucky. His mouth opened, he was about to say something, anything, when the Soldier's demeanor changed completely - just like that. It was pretty terrifying, honestly.

Steve took an involuntary step back, but after that, he stood his ground. "Let me help you put this place back together."

[make_it_hurt]

Yasha shook his head. "No. I'll do it." He looked up at Steve. "You may leave, this once. For him. It will not happen again." Yasha was aware of Bucky now, aware that he was not alone. He had no real choice but to accept that. And crush Bucky Barnes once and for all, to do what HYDRA could not.

[punched_hitler]

Steve frowned - knowing that Yasha knew about Bucky was a little worrying, but he supposed... they both had some kind of right to live, didn't they? Even if he would sacrifice anyone for Bucky, if it came down to it. He knew he would.

He didn't move for a long, minute, looking torn. He wanted to stay, to help... but he wasn't sure that was a good idea. "You... uh, let me know if you change your mind - and want a hand, I mean," he said, tilting his head toward the mirror. Yasha and Bucky both knew there was someone behind it, so why pretend it wasn't true?

[make_it_hurt]

Yasha nodded. "Fine. Just go." He pushed himself to his feet, hand curling into a fist. He turned and righted the bed frame and started to pull the mattress back up onto it.

Dr. Goss was waiting outside the cell. "How's he doing? I didn't hurt him, Steve, I can promise you that much."

[punched_hitler]

Steve didn't look happy about it... but he went. In fact, he probably looked nothing short of downright defeated as he waited for Dr. Goss to open the door to the cell for him, slipping through and closing it without looking back. He knew that this wouldn't be easy... he'd just never quite bargained on how hard it would be.

"He's all right," was sort of the automatic answer - although Steve shook his head a moment later. "No - I know you didn't hurt him. I just hate the thought that so many people did."

He finally turned to look back through the glass, watching Bucky - Yasha? - start to put the room back to rights. "I shouldn't have let this happen to him. I should have gone back for him. This is my fault." If he hadn't left Bucky behind, assumed he was dead, after that fall... none of this would have happened. Steve couldn't help but blame himself.

[make_it_hurt]

"It's not your fault, Steve." She sighed.

She turned as Sam finally came down the stairs, freshly showered and dressed. He looked into the window and saw Yasha perched on the unmade bed. He looked between the bandage on his arm and the first aid kit in Steve's hands. "What happened? I mean, I think I can guess, but why?"

[punched_hitler]

Steve just hummed unhappily - the problem was, no matter how many people told him that, and no matter how many times... he couldn't believe it. He just couldn't.

"He trashed the room," Steve said unhappily, moving to lean against the table in the observation room, rather than sitting in one of the chairs. He set the first aid fit on the table, crossing his arms and shrugging a little, helplessly. "I'm not sure why. He's not happy - not Bucky. Yasha. I don't know if he knows what we're doing, but... " He tilted his head toward Dr. Goss. "He's also afraid of doctors. They must have done some terrible things to him."

And he knew that was an understatement.

[make_it_hurt]

She nodded. "I think he thought I was somebody from his past." She sighed and sat down. "If that's the case, I don't know if Yasha will allow me to enter the room. He's very unstable, and if he thinks I'm one of the ones who... reprogrammed him, he would be resistant to talking to me, at the very least. He didn't seem inclined to violence. He was defensive, avoidant. But that will make it hard to work with him."

Sam looked between Steve and Dr. Goss. "He doesn't know me. You could maybe coach me through it. I do have experience in dealing with trauma. I'm not a trained psychiatrist, but... He doesn't associate me with Bucky, or what he went through with HYDRA."

Dr. Goss made an interested noise at that and sat up a bit. "That would maybe be something..."

[punched_hitler]

Steve glanced between Sam and Dr. Goss. Part of him wasn't sure - oh, not that he didn't trust Sam. He did - with his life. And thus, by default, Bucky's. But it was still risky, wasn't it?

Then again, he was pretty sure that Bucky - well, Yasha - wasn't going to respond well to Dr. Goss. That much was clear. And Sam had combat training. He finally looked to Sam, not sure whether he should feel hopeful or worried. He actually felt both. "You'd be willing to do that?"

[make_it_hurt]

Sam smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I would be. I mean, he's your best friend." He shrugged. "I told you before, I was in this until the end. I mean it. I don't wanna leave him there alone any more than you do."

[punched_hitler]

At that, Steve couldn't help but feel utterly, utterly grateful to Sam. After that misunderstanding about Bucky... Sam hadn't had to believe him, even though Steve had absolutely been telling the truth. He and Bucky were friends, that's all they'd ever been. And Sam didn't have to help like this to support Steve - but he was, and, "That... would mean a lot to me," he said, closing the distance to squeeze Sam's arm (gently, of course), then letting his hand slide down so he could squeeze Sam's hand, too. "But I don't want you putting yourself in too much danger, either."

He glanced between Sam and Dr. Goss again. "I... I'm willing to let you guys do this, if you think it's best. But if it goes south... we find some other solution." Even if it was one Steve didn't like.

[make_it_hurt]

Sam nodded, "That's fair to me." He shrugged, squeezing his hand back around Steve's. "Why don't we get some dinner, and give him a little bit of time." Yasha was sitting on the bed, looking thoroughly shell-shocked, staring blankly at the far wall. It wasn't his usual thousand-yard stare, but something a bit more personal.

[punched_hitler]

Steve glanced through the glass - he hated leaving Bucky (Yasha, whoever) looking like that, even if it was a little better than the blank look he'd used to get. It was clear on his face that he was reluctant, but after a minute, he nodded. "Yeah. Okay." He was hungry, after all - although that was the case most of the time.

He did, though, glance between Sam and Dr. Goss, feeling the need to say, "Whether it works or not - thank you. For helping me try."

[make_it_hurt]

Sam and Dr. Goss both nodded and Sam started to lead the way up the stairs. "You need a shower, Steve. You shower and I'll see about ordering takeout." Sam knew Tony had mentioned something about that before.

[punched_hitler]

Steve tried to give Sam a playful smile at the not-so-subtle hint. "That bad, huh?" Well, he'd kind of been in a hurry to get down there, there hadn't been time to shower, even though yeah, he was feeling the dried sweat all over his body. But, "That sounds good. I'm starving."

Not that he wasn't always starving, as Sam had probably learned.