punched_hitler | For all of us who've seen the light

Entry tags:

(mcu),
meme

For all of us who've seen the light

Meme Thread Continuation
From: Here

"Seriously," Steve said quietly, trying to smile nonchalantly, even if he still felt a little on-edge. He took a breath, held, it, then let it out at the question.

"That's the long story part. The short answer is, we've both been on ice. In my case, it was unintentional. In yours - not so much." There. That was the simplest explanation, wasn't it? It was the truth, too, if not all of it. "Honestly, you weren't gone more than a couple of weeks before I... ended up taking a very long nap. I woke up a couple of years ago when SHIELD - that's what the SSR turned into - found me. By accident, it turns out."

He watched Bucky as he spoke, looking for signs that he should stop, that it was too much - or that he could keep going.

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Bucky smiled and twisted his fingers with Steve's. He closed his eyes and relaxed. "Well I'm not gonna fight you."

He looked up, "I need a shower, mostly." His hair was greasy and wasn't staying behind his ears. "And a shave." He rubbed his chin on Steve's arm with a grin.

He and Steve had never been intimate, but they had been close since they were kids. Physically touching had been mostly frowned upon. The neighborhood they had lived in after the orphanage hadn't been discriminating - it had been full of people shunned by the general populace and he and Steve had been able to sit close together or touch each other without fear. It had been the same in the army - the Commandos hadn't cared either, if they sat together at night, arms and thighs pressed together.

"Good." Steve had had enough of fighting Bucky to last more than three lifetimes. He knew maybe they hadn't completely gotten that Soldier under control, but he was also hoping that the longer Bucky was in control, the less of it the Soldier might have.

"Yeah, you do need a shower," he observed, wrinkling his nose almost playfully. He snorted when Bucky added the bit about the shave, the feel of stubble tickling on his bicep. "And a shave, you're starting to look like a mountain man. I can see what I can do - " Steve glanced down, sort of taking stock of himself for the first time. "I think I could use a shower and a shave, too." Steve generally took good care of himself, though this self-imposed mission had been a little different. He'd been so driven. Sam had kept on him about eating and sleeping, but it had been hard to take care of himself, even for Sam, when he was so worried about finding Bucky.

Now, things were starting to feel normal again. Being close was nice. Not that he didn't get close to Sam, because of course he did. But being close to Bucky was a little different, was all. It had been something he'd always done, and it was a lot more comforting than he realized.

Bucky smiled. "I just hope I'm waterproof." He gestured to his arm.

Sam was coming back into the room and stopped dead at the sight of Steve and Bucky on the bed together, holding hands, Bucky with his head on Steve's shoulder.

He should have been able to guess, really. He walked over to the intercom and pressed on the button. "Steve, can we talk?" He stepped back, arms folded over his chest.

Bucky jumped when he heard Sam's voice and looked up. He pulled away from Steve and turned his attention to his lap. "You should go talk to him."

"I hope so, too, because I don't wanna give you a sponge bath," Steve teased, though that was when Sam's voice startled them both, causing him to jump at the same instant Bucky did. Steve, of course, didn't think anything of the fact that he was sitting pressed close to Bucky - that was just normal - and glanced over, wondering if Stark had found something useful.

"Yeah," he said softly to Bucky, starting to stand up - but reaching out to squeeze his right arm carefully, gently. "I'll get on that shower, too, so you can get cleaned up." He offered Bucky the most reassuring smile he could manage. "I'll be right back." He turned, making his way over to Sam, who seemed to be in 'serious business' mode. He hoped that might actually mean good news, but it was hard to tell. He was a little worried that it didn't.

Sam waited for Steve to close the door to the cell. "So you and Bucky, huh? When were you gonna tell me? Or were you?" He glanced at Bucky, who was watching them through the glass, a strange look on his face. "I don't care, but if I knew he was gonna be replacing me, I wouldn't have bothered."

"Me and..." Steve frowned, glancing back at Bucky, before turning back to Sam. It took a moment to process what was going on - or, at least, what Sam thought was going on. "What? No, he's not replacing you." Steve's frown grew deeper, though he reached out to put a hand on Sam's arm, just to ground him. "We've always been like that. It's not what I think you're thinking, Sam. He's my best friend." Not his boyfriend... who was clearly not processing that fact.

"It sure looks like he's replacing me!" Sam gestured to Bucky then put his hands on his hips, jerking away from Steve's touch. "All you had to do was say something: 'Hey, Sam, Bucky, you know, the guy we're going to bring back, we're so close that's it's impossible to tell we're not dating.'" He stepped back, away from Steve.

"I'm - sorry, Sam. I didn't think about it," Steve said earnestly, still frowning at the idea that Sam didn't understand. "Look, when we were chasing him - I didn't know whether he'd ever act like Bucky again. It didn't seem worth mentioning because it's just... not like that." He honestly hadn't thought to mention anything, because it simply hadn't registered. He reached for Sam's hand again, though he wasn't even sure the other would let him. "Ask him, if you want." In a way, he wanted Sam to get to know Bucky, for the two people that meant the most to him to like each other - or at least get along. Now he was starting to worry that that might not be possible. "He'll tell you the same thing I am."

Sam let Steve take his hand after a moment then sighed and turned his face away. "I get the feeling he doesn't like me anyways." He looked back up at Steve.

"I came down to check on how you were doing. Guess you're doing just fine." He frowned, then stepped in towards Steve. He leaned up and pressed their lips together. He watched Bucky straighten up from the corner of his eye then stood, features twisted in something like jealousy and anger.

Bucky watched Sam go from angry to kissing Steve in a matter of moments and stared, still not sure if he trusted Sam so close to his best friend. Not only was Sam a man, he was also black. The thought that they were doing something that could get Steve in trouble made him mad. It might have been 70 years, but it had still been only 70 years and Bucky couldn't imagine people being so open to Steve - Captain America - being with another man.

"Yeah, well, you two didn't get off on the right foot," Steve said, squeezing Sam's hand gently, glad the other man seemed to be calming down. He didn't want Sam to angry at him - or Bucky. Not right now.

"Actually, I was going to see about - " was all Steve got out before Sam kissed him; his back was to Bucky, so he didn't see how his friend reacted (not yet, anyway). Instead, he put all of his frustration - and his hope - into that kiss, because he needed Sam just as much as he needed Bucky. He couldn't do any of this alone.

And the truth was, even after 70 years, not every was open to the idea of Captain America flipping the good old American Dream upside-down a little. But he'd just been so damn bad with women, and he'd never had that same problem around men. After spending so many years being close to Bucky... he'd finally figured that maybe he should give it a go with a guy. Then Sam had come along, and it had worked out. Well. It wasn't like they'd flaunted anything in public, because Steve wasn't that kind of guy and they were also, admittedly, on the run, and undercover. They both knew duty came first. But that didn't mean they couldn't have a little time for each other.

"Shower," Steve finished absently, when he and Sam pulled apart. "I need a shower. So does Bucky. I assume Stark has showers around here somewhere."

He might have gone right on to business, but there was a soft, small smile reserved for Sam as he spoke. An unspoken indication that he would make this up to him - just as soon as he got the chance.

Sam nodded then said, "I think there's a bathroom attached to his cell... There's another mirror facing into a bathroom, anyways." He pointed with the hand not still clasped with Steve's. "And there's a shower for you upstairs. And a bedroom for you to ignore." It was a big bedroom that Sam had already settled their meager belongings into, with a positively massive bathroom with both a steam shower and a huge jacuzzi tub.

"Let's get Bucky set up with a shower and I can show you around." He smiled at Steve, knowing just how Steve could make it up to him.

"Stark sure doesn't scrimp," Steve chuckled - though he hadn't imagined the man would. He turned, opening the door and starting to say, "Good news, Buck, you've got a - " when he saw that his friend was now standing, staring at them, and he looked pretty far from happy. "Bucky?"

Steve was dense, sometimes - but he wasn't that dense. He glanced down at the hand that was holding Sam's, then up at Bucky. "Look... okay, apparently I am really bad at explaining things, but... " He looked imploringly at Bucky, as if to say, Please be okay with this?

Bucky looked between Sam and Steve then lifted his eyebrows. If Steve was talking to him, he couldn't hear it.

Sam sighed then let go of Steve's hand. He reached over and turned the glass back to a mirror. "Go in and talk to him, I'll wait out here for you."

Bucky glared when the mirror returned but sat on the bed, running his fingers over the collar around his throat. He was still himself, but the anger sitting in his gut didn't feel like his anger. It was cold, icy enough to burn whatever it touched.

Edited 2014-05-22 20:14 (UTC)

"Yeah. Okay." Steve felt a bit like an idiot... well, okay, what else was new? He stepped through the door into the cell, noting where Sam had pointed out the door to the bathroom. There was a small latch - nothing that could be used as a weapon - that indicated where it opened. He hadn't even noticed it, but that wasn't surprising, given how well it blended into the wall.

He stepped up in front of Bucky, looking sheepish as the other glared at him. "Hey. I. Uh. Probably should have mentioned... " He rubbed the back of his neck, nervously. Bucky had always been the one with dates, unless he'd found one for Steve, too. Steve had never exactly had to bring a date home to meet his best friend. "Sorry," he said, quietly. "I was pretty rude. To both of you."

"When were you going to tell me?" Bucky pulled his arm across his midsection, trying to ignore the anger curling there like a snake ready to strike. "How long you been with guys?" Bucky should probably have realized a long time ago that Steve was into guys. He'd never been too interested in dames but Bucky had always passed it off as them not being into him. "And with a black guy? That okay now too? Even for Captain America?"

Despite the fact that Bucky pulled his arm tighter around himself, Steve felt a little like he'd been slapped. "I - I was going to tell you when it became important." Which was right now, clearly. Steve looked uncomfortable for a minute, glancing anywhere except for at Bucky's face. "It's a new thing - the guy thing. Girls just... never worked out."

He frowned a little deeper, then, shaking his head. "It's... not okay with everyone. But things have gotten pretty complicated - with being Captain America, I mean." SHIELD was gone - being rebuilt, but currently gone. "Technically... I'm out of a job at the moment."

Bucky looked up at Steve, then back down. "I think you should leave, I..." He bit his lip. He wasn't disapproving of Steve's choices, because heavens knew his best friend deserved happiness, but the violence in his belly was too intense to focus on anything else. He looked back up again and tried to explain. "There's this... thing inside." He fisted his hand in his t-shirt. "I don't want to hurt you, Steve." He returned his attention to the bed, yet again. Steve would know what he meant, know that he wasn't rejecting Steve because he was going with a black guy, would know that it was the darkness in him that was threatening to overwhelm him.

At least, he hoped so.

Steve started to frown, feeling his stomach sink for about twelve different reasons. Namely, he felt like Bucky was disappointed in him, and that hurt. That hurt a lot. But second, the mention of something inside of him made him worry that the Soldier was definitely not gone, and reminded him that they'd only just managed to keep him at bay, nothing more. The collar was not a permanent solution. (It was, however, waterproof, meaning Bucky could take a shower. Tony apparently hadn't wanted any smelly prisoners.)

"I... yeah," he said, looking nothing if not absolutely distressed. There's - here - " He showed Bucky quickly how to open the door to the bathroom, where there was indeed a shower. All of the fixtures were sleek, built into the walls so again, they couldn't be used as weapons. At least, not obviously. "I'll... be back later, okay?" He knew he should leave, but he still looked to Bucky one last time, silently asking for forgiveness, before he'd turn and go.

Bucky nodded. "Yeah, okay." He watched Steve but as soon as Steve's attention turned back to him his eyes dropped to the bed. "Thanks, Steve." He pulled in a deep breath then asked, "He make you happy?" He was afraid to look at Steve, to encourage that darkness inside of him.

As long as Sam made Steve happy, Bucky knew he wouldn't be able to say anything against him to Steve. Steve could more than take care of himself now, but Bucky still felt protective of him. "If he hurts you, I'll kill him."

Edited 2014-05-22 22:40 (UTC)

"Yeah," Steve said - without hesitation, though he still wasn't sure how well his best friend was actually taking this. "Yeah, he does. He's a soldier. He gets... all of this." Whatever all of this really was. And Sam had lost his best friend, too. They'd understood each other, mourned together, in a way, although now Bucky was sitting here and Steve didn't know what to think, whether to be grateful or terrified (or both).

Of course, what Bucky said next definitely scared him. "Buck... I can take care of myself." Even so, "I can't say how much it means, to have you back, looking out for me." Still, he'd rather not have death threats flying between Bucky and Sam. "Let's just take it one step at a time, okay?"

"It used to be that I took care of you, not the other way around." He bit his bottom lip. "Now look at me. Missing an arm, nervous wreck. While you got a guy who understands you... Guess I'm the third wheel now, huh?" He looked up and tried a smile - it was the same smile he had tried that night in the bar, seeing Peggy who only had eyes for Steve. Steve who no longer needed Bucky to save him from alley fights with guys twice his size.

"Though I've been the third wheel for a while." He remembered the easy confidence of a dame on his arm, of sleeping curled up with Steve on cold winter nights when all they had for heat was their blankets and each other's body heat.

"Bucky..."

Steve knew Bucky had told him to go, but he was having a hard time turning and walking out that door. Yes, he had a good thing going with Sam, but... Bucky was his family. Bucky was everything. For a second... he wanted to go back to the way things were. He'd give anything to go back to 1941, before December, before any of this went down. Hell, he'd weather being sick the rest of his life, if only he could have the life he hadn't known he was lucky to have back. "You will never be a third wheel. Ever."

"Go, Steve. Please. The longer you stay here, the less I can control it." He wasn't sure how much control he had over the darkness in the first place, exactly. It was more like it was lurking, waiting. "I need to shower at least." He knew he probably wouldn't be allowed anywhere close to a razor for a long time, but he could at least wash his hair and get the grime off of him.

For the first time in a long, long time, Steve felt like punching something just to feel it crumble under his fist. Instead, though, he nodded, walking toward the observation room with his jaw clenched and his hands balled into fists, saying, "Yeah. I'll... be back later. You take some time."

He felt awful, for too many reasons to name, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to destroy something or just go to bed until he'd slept for another 70 years. Maybe both, one after another. He'd thought finding Bucky would be a good thing, and it was. But it was also hurting a hell of a lot. He hadn't anticipated that.

Bucky watched Steve leave the room then got up and headed for the bathroom. He stripped down bare then managed to get the water on. There was no shower stall, just a drain in the floor. There was soap and shampoo though, which is all Bucky really cared about. He had showered worse places in the army.

Sam touched Steve's arm when he emerged from Bucky's cell. "Let's go." He had heard and seen everything that happened but wanted to get Steve away from Bucky before discussing it.

For all of us who've seen the light

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Oh! I wanted to let you know I've got company tonight through Monday, so I'll be slow this weekend

No worries! I'll be pretty much non-existent next weekend (F - M), so it's a fair trade :)

<3 I guess so!

Re: <3 I guess so!

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