For all of us who've seen the light

[punched_hitler]

Meme Thread Continuation
From: Here




"Seriously," Steve said quietly, trying to smile nonchalantly, even if he still felt a little on-edge. He took a breath, held, it, then let it out at the question.

"That's the long story part. The short answer is, we've both been on ice. In my case, it was unintentional. In yours - not so much." There. That was the simplest explanation, wasn't it? It was the truth, too, if not all of it. "Honestly, you weren't gone more than a couple of weeks before I... ended up taking a very long nap. I woke up a couple of years ago when SHIELD - that's what the SSR turned into - found me. By accident, it turns out."

He watched Bucky as he spoke, looking for signs that he should stop, that it was too much - or that he could keep going.

Comments

[punched_hitler]

Despite the fact that Bucky pulled his arm tighter around himself, Steve felt a little like he'd been slapped. "I - I was going to tell you when it became important." Which was right now, clearly. Steve looked uncomfortable for a minute, glancing anywhere except for at Bucky's face. "It's a new thing - the guy thing. Girls just... never worked out."

He frowned a little deeper, then, shaking his head. "It's... not okay with everyone. But things have gotten pretty complicated - with being Captain America, I mean." SHIELD was gone - being rebuilt, but currently gone. "Technically... I'm out of a job at the moment."

[make_it_hurt]

Bucky looked up at Steve, then back down. "I think you should leave, I..." He bit his lip. He wasn't disapproving of Steve's choices, because heavens knew his best friend deserved happiness, but the violence in his belly was too intense to focus on anything else. He looked back up again and tried to explain. "There's this... thing inside." He fisted his hand in his t-shirt. "I don't want to hurt you, Steve." He returned his attention to the bed, yet again. Steve would know what he meant, know that he wasn't rejecting Steve because he was going with a black guy, would know that it was the darkness in him that was threatening to overwhelm him.

At least, he hoped so.

Oh! I wanted to let you know I've got company tonight through Monday, so I'll be slow this weekend

[punched_hitler]

Steve started to frown, feeling his stomach sink for about twelve different reasons. Namely, he felt like Bucky was disappointed in him, and that hurt. That hurt a lot. But second, the mention of something inside of him made him worry that the Soldier was definitely not gone, and reminded him that they'd only just managed to keep him at bay, nothing more. The collar was not a permanent solution. (It was, however, waterproof, meaning Bucky could take a shower. Tony apparently hadn't wanted any smelly prisoners.)

"I... yeah," he said, looking nothing if not absolutely distressed. There's - here - " He showed Bucky quickly how to open the door to the bathroom, where there was indeed a shower. All of the fixtures were sleek, built into the walls so again, they couldn't be used as weapons. At least, not obviously. "I'll... be back later, okay?" He knew he should leave, but he still looked to Bucky one last time, silently asking for forgiveness, before he'd turn and go.

No worries! I'll be pretty much non-existent next weekend (F - M), so it's a fair trade :)

[make_it_hurt]

Bucky nodded. "Yeah, okay." He watched Steve but as soon as Steve's attention turned back to him his eyes dropped to the bed. "Thanks, Steve." He pulled in a deep breath then asked, "He make you happy?" He was afraid to look at Steve, to encourage that darkness inside of him.

As long as Sam made Steve happy, Bucky knew he wouldn't be able to say anything against him to Steve. Steve could more than take care of himself now, but Bucky still felt protective of him. "If he hurts you, I'll kill him."

<3 I guess so!

[punched_hitler]

"Yeah," Steve said - without hesitation, though he still wasn't sure how well his best friend was actually taking this. "Yeah, he does. He's a soldier. He gets... all of this." Whatever all of this really was. And Sam had lost his best friend, too. They'd understood each other, mourned together, in a way, although now Bucky was sitting here and Steve didn't know what to think, whether to be grateful or terrified (or both).

Of course, what Bucky said next definitely scared him. "Buck... I can take care of myself." Even so, "I can't say how much it means, to have you back, looking out for me." Still, he'd rather not have death threats flying between Bucky and Sam. "Let's just take it one step at a time, okay?"

Re: <3 I guess so!

[make_it_hurt]

"It used to be that I took care of you, not the other way around." He bit his bottom lip. "Now look at me. Missing an arm, nervous wreck. While you got a guy who understands you... Guess I'm the third wheel now, huh?" He looked up and tried a smile - it was the same smile he had tried that night in the bar, seeing Peggy who only had eyes for Steve. Steve who no longer needed Bucky to save him from alley fights with guys twice his size.

"Though I've been the third wheel for a while." He remembered the easy confidence of a dame on his arm, of sleeping curled up with Steve on cold winter nights when all they had for heat was their blankets and each other's body heat.

[punched_hitler]

"Bucky..."

Steve knew Bucky had told him to go, but he was having a hard time turning and walking out that door. Yes, he had a good thing going with Sam, but... Bucky was his family. Bucky was everything. For a second... he wanted to go back to the way things were. He'd give anything to go back to 1941, before December, before any of this went down. Hell, he'd weather being sick the rest of his life, if only he could have the life he hadn't known he was lucky to have back. "You will never be a third wheel. Ever."

[make_it_hurt]

"Go, Steve. Please. The longer you stay here, the less I can control it." He wasn't sure how much control he had over the darkness in the first place, exactly. It was more like it was lurking, waiting. "I need to shower at least." He knew he probably wouldn't be allowed anywhere close to a razor for a long time, but he could at least wash his hair and get the grime off of him.

[punched_hitler]

For the first time in a long, long time, Steve felt like punching something just to feel it crumble under his fist. Instead, though, he nodded, walking toward the observation room with his jaw clenched and his hands balled into fists, saying, "Yeah. I'll... be back later. You take some time."

He felt awful, for too many reasons to name, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to destroy something or just go to bed until he'd slept for another 70 years. Maybe both, one after another. He'd thought finding Bucky would be a good thing, and it was. But it was also hurting a hell of a lot. He hadn't anticipated that.

[make_it_hurt]

Bucky watched Steve leave the room then got up and headed for the bathroom. He stripped down bare then managed to get the water on. There was no shower stall, just a drain in the floor. There was soap and shampoo though, which is all Bucky really cared about. He had showered worse places in the army.

Sam touched Steve's arm when he emerged from Bucky's cell. "Let's go." He had heard and seen everything that happened but wanted to get Steve away from Bucky before discussing it.

[punched_hitler]

"Yeah," Steve said quietly, letting out a breath through a throat that felt tight. He closed the cell door, making sure it was secure, and waited for Sam to lead him upstairs. He hadn't left the observation room, so other than the way in or out of this place, he didn't know where much else was.


[If you want to keep going with Sam and Steve, that is cool, but we can also fastforward if you just want to play Bucky~ 8D]

[make_it_hurt]

Sam nodded and headed up a flight of stairs. This floor was totally different - it looked like a modern living room, with a big kitchen, even though there noticably weren't any windows at all. It still managed to be bright and airy. "Bathroom's this way." He pushed open the door - it was still steamy inside, though somebody had picked up the wet towels off the floor and the towel rack and replaced them with dry towels. "Here. I think JARVIS can control the shower, but I managed to figure it out on my own, so." He gestured then stepped back to let Steve into the bathroom.

[I don't care, I don't mind playing Sam!]

[punched_hitler]

The lack of windows was a little strange, but the place did still manage to feel comfortable. Leave it to Stark, Steve figured, to find a way to pack in every modern convenience (and then some) no matter where you were. Steve was still feeling... well, awful - on edge, antsy, angry, guilty, and a hundred other things. Grimy and sore were two of them, and although part of him didn't think he deserved the comfort and convenience of a shower, Sam would argue if he tried to deny himself that.

"Thanks," he said, as Sam pointed out the bathroom, stepping inside and getting to work on getting his clothes off, even if - after all this time - he still felt a little self-conscious doing it in the presence of someone else. He'd just figured he might never get used to it, and that was the way it was. "I think I might stay in there for... oh, an hour," he said wistfully, even if that wasn't true.


[Okay, just checking! <3]