☆ 33 ☆ (TEXT; Private to Bucky | SPAM; OTA)

[punched_hitler]

[TEXT: Private to Bucky]
Hey, I need you to hang on to something for me for a little while, if you don't mind.

[SPAM; OTA]
[It's not that there's a new guy on the Barge - there's not. But anyone used to seeing Captain America around might notice that he's conspicuously missing as of Saturday - or, at least, he's not six-foot two and two hundred twenty pounds anymore. He's five-foot four and about a hundred pounds soaking wet, and he's not apologetic about it in the least. Same haircut, same voice, same style of dress (at least he asked for some civilian clothes that would fit), same attitude.

Steve goes about his day the same as he ever has - he goes for a run through the Barge early in the morning, and he shows up for his lunch shift in the kitchens and his shifts in the infirmary on time. He shows up at T'Pol's cabin for meditation, and he's even in the gym sometimes, working out against the bags. It's just that his mile has gone from two minutes to twenty, and he's got an inhaler in his pocket for those times when running or climbing the stairs - he's not taking the elevator, he refuses - gets to be a little too much.

Of course, he knows people are going to notice, but unless someone says something to him first, they're not going to hear a word about it from him. Actions speak louder than words, after all.]


[ooc: If anyone needs a reference, 1, 2, & 3, just with this haircut, still. Feel free to recognize him or not!]

Comments

[punched_hitler]

[Actually, it doesn't. He's glad to hear it; he nods, still catching his breath.

Finally,] I'm not the only super soldier on board, and I was never the most powerful warden. This isn't about staying safe - why - [He almost asks why everyone keeps jumping to that conclusion. He just doesn't understand. The first thing Bucky assumed was that Steve was going to be jumped in the hall and killed, too. Part of him knows that yeah, he's a target now. But,] Maybe this is a way to prove that the wardens don't need power to protect us from that kind of thing. We can stop it from happening without that solution, because that solution isn't working. People are still getting hurt and dying.

[He finally does smile, a little.] My personality never kept people off before, but I managed to keep getting back up, anyway.

[whatthefoxsay]

[She's honest.] I don't think this is the solution, either. [It's said regretfully, because in a Steve Rogers Utopia, maybe it would be and Kira really wouldn't mind living there.

She shakes her head, though.] I don't know if I would have survived when Dean and Clementine came after Scott if I didn't have my powers. To be honest I don't understand why Clementine needed to kill him in the first place. I mean, if it was some kind of power-over thing? That's because we're wardens regardless, right?

[She hadn't realized she was still hanging onto this - well, maybe a little. But Scott is so forgiving and she feels like she can't talk about it with him. Steve is forgiving too, but somehow she feels like he can at least understand her anger and frustration, and it does tie into the question of power in the broader sense.]

[punched_hitler]

That's all right. I'm not asking you to give anything up. [This was his choice, and he accepts that it's not going to be everybody's.

He shakes his head, because,] Killing is always about power - about having the power to stop someone. If you don't understand it, that's not a bad thing.

[He wishes the world were a place where stopping someone didn't mean killing them - where it never meant killing them. He remembers when his world was like that, but it feels like a very, very long time ago, now.] Maybe you should ask her why she tried.

[It's not condescending at all - it's just a thought. Because if Kira - if anyone - can understand the motive, that's the first step in stopping it next time, isn't it?]

[whatthefoxsay]

[Kira goes abruptly silent at that, looking, suddenly, anywhere but at Steve. Even if he's the least likely to judge her for what she's feeling.

And maybe that's why she feels comfortable confessing.]

I don't know if I can. I can barely look at her, Steve. I look at her and I want to...

[She trails off, ashamed.]

I want to hurt her.

[punched_hitler]

[That sort of stops him in his tracks, too, but for a different reason altogether. Because he stops. And thinks.

And it's not hard to realize that what he said was pretty stupid, in a way, because,] All those people that hurt Bucky? HYDRA?

I want to kill them. I don't want to give them a fair trial, I don't want them to rot in jail. The ones that aren't already dead? I plan to make that way.

[He doesn't tell a lot of people that. He absolutely hasn't told Bucky that. But honestly? He doesn't think Kira should feel ashamed for wanting to hurt the person who hurt someone that's important to her. Maybe that's why they're all in this mess in the first place, and maybe he's been thinking about it all wrong.]

I'm sorry. That was pretty heartless of me to say. It's just - you can hurt her here, sure. Maybe you wouldn't even be wrong. In fact, I wouldn't blame you. But here - here, the hurting just... keeps going. Nobody stays dead, and nobody leaves, not really. Nothing gets fixed. We have to treat things differently. Or, at least, we have to try.

What if someone else talked to her? What if I did?

[whatthefoxsay]

[She shakes her head.] Don't be sorry. I mean, if you don't expect me to be sorry, why should you be?

[His offer makes her pause too, brow furrowing as she struggles with the idea.] Part of me wants to say yes, but it also kind of feels like, I don't know...cowardly. Like I'm letting someone else deal with my damage. I should put on my big girl panties, shouldn't I?

[punched_hitler]

Right. [Still, he just wishes he could protect people like Kira from having to feel that way. He can't, it's stupid, maybe it would even be doing her and them a disservice. But he can still wish.]

Yes and no. I think it would do both of you good if you asked, but I think it's not cowardly if you can't do it right now. I think it's honest, if that makes sense.