punched_hitler | ☆ 33 ☆ (TEXT; Private to Bucky

Entry tags:

post,
tlv

☆ 33 ☆ (TEXT; Private to Bucky | SPAM; OTA)

[TEXT: Private to Bucky]
Hey, I need you to hang on to something for me for a little while, if you don't mind.

[SPAM; OTA]
[It's not that there's a new guy on the Barge - there's not. But anyone used to seeing Captain America around might notice that he's conspicuously missing as of Saturday - or, at least, he's not six-foot two and two hundred twenty pounds anymore. He's five-foot four and about a hundred pounds soaking wet, and he's not apologetic about it in the least. Same haircut, same voice, same style of dress (at least he asked for some civilian clothes that would fit), same attitude.

Steve goes about his day the same as he ever has - he goes for a run through the Barge early in the morning, and he shows up for his lunch shift in the kitchens and his shifts in the infirmary on time. He shows up at T'Pol's cabin for meditation, and he's even in the gym sometimes, working out against the bags. It's just that his mile has gone from two minutes to twenty, and he's got an inhaler in his pocket for those times when running or climbing the stairs - he's not taking the elevator, he refuses - gets to be a little too much.

Of course, he knows people are going to notice, but unless someone says something to him first, they're not going to hear a word about it from him. Actions speak louder than words, after all.]

[ooc: If anyone needs a reference, 1, 2, & 3, just with this haircut, still. Feel free to recognize him or not!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[If her door's not open yet (or all the way), then he's going to help her by getting it and holding it open.]

Nothing. [Pause.] I mean, literally. I told the Admiral I didn't need the serum. So it's like I never got it.

[It's not, and if she moves out of the way so he can get at the door, it's mostly because she still can't quite believe her eyes and she moves back so she can keep looking him over.

Then he goes and says that and she's staring at him for a whole different reason, shifting her load to be more balanced now that she can use both hands again.]

You did what? The what now?

[It's nothing he didn't expect, so he just lets her stare if she wants, while he gets the door and holds it open for her so she doesn't have to put anything down.]

The serum - I wasn't born like that. [He smiles, a little wryly.] The Army got sick of giving me the boot and gave me a shot at joining up - all I had to do was agree to an experimental procedure designed to make me bigger, better than any guy before.

[And obviously,] It worked.

But I don't need it to do my job here.

No one is born like that.

[She scoffs this, takes a deeper breath to start in on her next point, but that's when she decides that she may not care about doing this in the hallway but she's not going to drop ridiculously heavy engine parts on her foot because of this. She moves past him, keeps walking to dump the gearshafts on the kitchen floor where she can deal with them later.]

Okay. New question, before I tell you how ridiculously stupid that is, homie. Why? And don't you dare tell me all this powers bullshit going around right now.

No, they're not.

[It's true, either way - he ends up standing in the doorway for a minute, before shuffling inside a bit further, when she keeps going. It's her place, she's welcome to kick him out.

And the problem is,] That's exactly what this is about. Look, I've been telling people, time and again - powers don't make the person. Power is just a tool, and it can be used, or it can be misused. But a guy like Captain America spouting all that, when he's one of the privileged few? It doesn't work, does it?

I don't need that kind of power to do this job. I never did, and I never will.

Oh for fuck's sake, Steve. Get your ass in here.

[She spends the interim that she assumes he's doing that moving over to the sink, washing her hands, brushing the metal shavings from the engine room off her shirt, and she's still shaking her head by the time she looks up to find him again.]

There's always someone with more privilege than you. It's the way every world is set up. Money, resources, muscles, brains, something. It's brave, what you're doing. And stupid.

And I don't get a say in it because I don't have powers at all, but if it was me, I would just be insulted.

[Well, yes, ma'am. He closes the door behind him, both because it's polite and because he assumes this conversation is private, and by the time she's done washing her hands, he's at least standing in the kitchen, arms crossed exactly like he might have stood around before, even if it probably looks a little ridiculous now.]

Trust me, I know that. It doesn't mean I have to like it, or that I have to be a bigger part of it than I want to be. [Yeah, he knows how the world works. But when he saw a way to level the playing field, he took it.] You don't get one without the other, usually. [Bravery and stupidity. There's a fine line between the two, and it's one that's easy to blur. He's intimately aware of that, too.] I didn't do it to be brave, and I didn't do it to be smart or stupid. I did it because it felt like the right thing to do, and I don't expect everybody to agree with me.

[That's sort of how the world works, too. You're always gonna insult somebody. It shouldn't stop you from doing the right thing.

He had a choice, to be given power. So it was his choice, he figures, to give it up.

He comes a little closer, stopping by the table.] You do get a say. You sure have an opinion.

I always have an opinion.

[This she declares with a semi-exasperated noise, because if anyone learns anything about her up front, it's that; she doesn't care if the door is closed, because she'd say this to anyone else listening, too. It's just that this particular part of it is for Steve.

She turns to face him, leaning on the edge of the sink with her hip and leveling her gaze on him.]

So, the main argument is that "powers are part of who you are" and shouldn't be taken away. Your argument here is "powers don't have fuckall to do with who you are." But I'm also gonna go ahead and guess you're not saying anyone else's opinion matters any less than yours, and that when you go home, you're gonna pick those powers right back up again. Or hopefully the next time we get hit with some kind of invasion, because I understand their frustrated, I do, but I don't see how having one less person to defend this place and the people on it that don't want to get ripped to shreds or whatever is helping anyone, honestly.

And it doesn't make you anything like them. It makes you feel better. That's it.

Which is better than the alternative, trust me.

[It's why he likes her. She's not afraid to speak up, and she's made him think about a lot of things, since he got here.

Including this, too, but that doesn't mean he's not standing firm, because,] Yes, I need them back when I go home, because I won't stomp on the sacrifice of the man who gave me what I have. I owe it to him and everyone else who's stood behind me and beside me to do what I was made to do, there.

But you're also assuming that just because I'm not six feet tall right now means I'm going to step aside and do anything in a crisis other than what I would have done if I was. Which isn't true. I'm still a soldier, and not every situation calls for violence. Hell, most of the ones that have, we've all be FUBARed, no matter who we are. [He pauses, but finally settles on adding, a little quieter,] You got by with one super soldier before. You still have one. He'll do the right thing, if you need him. [Honestly, especially with the arm, Bucky might be stronger than Steve. He doesn't know. He doesn't really ever want to find out - won't, anyway, because he'll never fight him again.]

Yeah, it makes me feel better. Because I believe it was right. But if you don't feel that way... then you don't.

[He might not like it, but she is entitled to that opinion of hers. Even if her support would've been welcome.]

[She doesn't exactly laugh. She smiles, abrupt and sharp, and raises both eyebrows.]

Steve.

They gave it to you for a reason. That reason is that you can kick a hundred times more ass like that than you can like this, and sometimes that's necessary. For a lot of reasons. So while I hear you when you say you wouldn't just stand aside, there's a reason people like me need people like you that have everything to do with how much you can bench press in the gym.

Other reasons too. But also that. [Letty is strong in her own right and she isn't about to say she needs to run and hide behind even someone like Captain America, but she's realistic. She knows exactly where she stands on the scale and what she can do with that.

But that's not the only reason she thinks this is dumb.]

You can't believe the world into being different with your good intentions. But then, I've never been an optimist. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you'll reach more people like this. But if it were me...

Babs' legs don't work; Jimmy is lame in one. Should I ask the Admiral to take away mine, so everything is fair? You can't drive like I can. Should I have him take that, too? Should I strip away these pieces that don't make me on their own, but do help make me who I am, because other people don't have them or can't use them?

Believing the world can be different is a good start. You can't do anything if you don't believe you can. And you have to be willing to make a change, back up your belief, or you'll never get anywhere, either.

[This all started out with him wanting to make a change, wanting to join the Army, to stop the Nazis. Now… it's the same, isn't it? He wants to make a change on board. This just seemed like the best way - not the smartest way, but the best, the most sincere.

He gives her a wry look, shrugging a little.] You want to talk to the Admiral about your legs, apparently he's in a listening mood. [Yeah, he's being a little shit. He doesn't care.] I'm not trying to make it fair, Letty. It won't be fair, and it shouldn't be fair. That's not what this is about, and it never was. This is about people understanding why they're here, and why things are the way they are. And why I believe in it, because if I don't, then there's no reason for me to be here.

[That's… partly a lie. But mostly the truth. Bucky's here, and that's why Steve's here, but he also signed on knowing the rules, knowing what the job was, and he believed in it. He still does.

But there's a lot of what she's said that's right, and he knows it. The serum gave him lot, and there was a reason they gave it to him, a reason Erskine developed it. He's quiet a moment, then he looks up at her, utterly serious.]

I'll make you a deal. If something happens, something you think I need that strength back for, and I don't have it, you tell me. You say the word, and I will ask for it back. I will trust you, because you're not stupid, and you don't jump the gun.

But let me do this. [It's not her decision, anyway, but it's still how he phrases it.] Let me make my point, because it's not you, and there is a problem on this Barge, and we need to solve it. I think this is part of the solution. If it's not, you can tell me I told you so every day until we go home, and twice on Sundays, [he finishes, lips curling up into what's almost, almost a smile.]

Uh huh.

[For a long, long moment, Letty just looks at him, arms folded, breathing measured while she considers. It's not that they're in complete disagreement for how to make things the way they want them to; she knows she can't look Steve in the eye and tell him he's not doing anything with his convictions, even if she thinks belief isn't enough. She's always been an action girl. She believes in herself, her crew, and what they can accomplish together.

Maybe she really doesn't understand. Maybe she should take him up on that deal. He's not a hundred percent right about her - she's not stupid, but sometimes she jumps the gun, sometimes she's pessimistic when she should trust, sometimes she's angry when she should be patient - but maybe she should anyway.

The I Told You So makes her smile a little, but not fully because of him; she remembers Merlin, giving her I Told You So rights when she was right about the Sha, and what else he said about her. Finally she heaves out a breath, blowing a lock of hair out of her face, and shakes her head.]

Christ, your puppy cred went up like fifty points with this stunt.

It doesn't have anything to do with me. I can't let you do anything. [See: not stupid.] But if you want to run it this way, I'll shut up about it. Keep your deal. Maybe I'll learn something.

I'm stubborn, Steve, and mostly I get my way by being crazier and more stubborn than anyone around me. That isn't gonna work here, for a lot of reasons, so. Maybe we'll see where making some changes goes.

[And he looks right back at her, still absolutely resolute and unapologetic. Then again, that's just the way he's always operated - done what he wanted, and dealt with the consequences, after. Hell, he remembers the way Bucky had looked at him for a long time, after he'd shown up in Europe, six-foot two and built like a tank. Funny, it's the same look he's started getting from people, now. It's a good thing Steve Rogers has never really done things with pleasing people in mind, because he'd be shit at it.

But he sees a lot of potential in Letty. Even if she's not exactly as he says - she could be. Maybe this place can help her be that. He'd like the Barge to be a place that serves its wardens, as well as its inmates, even if it's not really doing either, at the moment.

Of course, when she shakes her head, he laughs - just a little, softly.] I'll... take that as a good thing?

[Either way - no. She can't let him do anything. But she could make his life hell over it, and they both know it.] I do want to run it this way. It's - it'll be easier if I'm not dodging looks that could cut, though, I admit it. [So her support - or at least, not her opposition - would mean a lot.

And at that last part? He smiles, crookedly.] You and me both. But you're right. There's a difference between fearless and foolhardy. And there's a difference between stubborn and stupid. I'm still learning to walk on the right side of it, most days.

[But he still believes this change is right.]

I let them give me that serum because I wanted to make a difference. The thing is, the guy who picked me? He picked me because it wasn't the serum that was really going to make the difference. [And he's had enough time to learn that - or start to, at least.] Does that make sense?

What can I say: we all use what we've got.

[And what Letty has is a glare that can cut glass. She has a lot of other things too, she knows, and a lot of it she intends to and has already begun bringing to bear on behalf of her people, her inmate included. Any inmate that will let her, because if doing what's right and not what pleases people is Steve's sticking point, agency is hers. She can't make anyone accept her help, and she wouldn't try. For those who want her around, though, there's nothing she won't do.

Steve wants her around. She raises her eyebrows at his story, and even though she's already covered this - maybe a good heart is a powerful weapon, but there's a reason all the physical effects were included in that serum - she entertains it now.]

I'm gonna go ahead and guess that you're not talking about your All American jawline.

Yeah. We do.

[And he'll use what he's got now, because he knows how to. It's not like he's lived his entire life as Captain America - Steve's got ways around just about all of his conditions, as best he can, because he never expected not to have to live with them. The problem is getting people to see that - and it was a problem before. He can't expect it not to be a problem now, but that's okay. He'll just prove it's not, and keep on proving it, every day.

He lets out a breath that's almost a laugh.] Not so much. The colonel in charge of the program thought I was a joke. But the guy who designed the serum... he said physical prowess didn't matter. The serum would take care of that. It was who got it that made the difference.

[He remembers exactly what Erskine said:] "Good becomes great. Bad becomes worse."

I'm no angel, but worse was... a lot worse.

[She doesn't smile about his initial answer; it's not really funny to her, who has had so many people write her off as a joke, too, for various reasons. A lot of them to do with the fact she's a woman.

But she nods readily enough. No, he's no angel, but she's known assholes in her life she wouldn't have wanted to have their hands on it, either.]

Well, at least if he was going to create something like that, he was smart enough to be a good judge of character, too.

[You can't stop people from writing you off. But you can sure as hell make them eat their words. At least, that's how Steve's always operated. It's not the only solution, though. Maybe not even the best.]

Funny, [he says, in a way that says it's not funny at all,] it seems to be a trend.

[Schmidt had stolen the formula, but when HYDRA had tried in earnest to recreate it? They'd chosen Bucky. Not for his character, no - but if anyone is worthy of having that kind of strength, it's Bucky. Steve will never not believe that.

His lips twitch up - maybe a little something like modesty, but mostly sadness. He'd only known Erskine for two weeks, but he'd meant a lot to Steve.] He was one of the only people who'd ever really given me a chance. I owe it to him, to be worthy of that chance.

[She can tell there are things going on here she doesn't understand, things that are painful for him to think about, to talk about. Something he has to prove, even if it's not to anyone around here.

She would be able to guess it even if it weren't extremely common around here. The Barge attracts lonely people and people in the deepest shit of their lives. People who have reasons to look as hangdog as Steve looks right now.

His lips twitch up - hers press together, her gaze steady on him.]

He's dead, isn't he? [Not harsh, but not gentle, either. As honest and blunt as something like that deserves, because it's real, and it's permanent, and it hurts like hell.]

[Steve never knew his father, but he can't deny that he would have liked for him to be like Erskine. Maybe that's why it hurts so much, or maybe it's something else. Maybe it's just that the man was kind to him, that he was trying to put the world to rights, that he'd had a tough time of things, too.

Either way, Letty's not wrong. Steve has a lot of reasons to be here, and they're all mistakes he's made. He's not here to ask the Admiral to fix them, but he is here to figure out how to do it, himself.

At the question, he nods.] He was killed about twenty seconds after it worked. I was still trying to figure out why the world had so much goddamn color and sound and air in it.

[And he blames himself for not adapting faster. A hand thrown out as that gun came up, a shove out of the way... The assassin had still died, but it hadn't felt like enough.]

He was a good man. He gave me something no one else could. I owe him a lot, and this is not me shirking that. I owe the people here a lot, too.

I'm sorry.

[Letty is not someone who has much use for putting up any kind of front, but she has mastered this tone: genuinely empathetic, without assuming any of his grief for herself as if she knew whoever he's talking about. Acknowledgement from one person who has lost people important to her to another, nothing more, nothing less.

She is sorry. She moves on.]

Just... do me a favor, and make sure you remember that the other thing you owe people that care about you?

[She's close enough now that she can reach out, squeeze his shoulder; her hands are rough, her fingers strong with her chosen hobby, with the life that chose her.]

Is caring about yourself.

[Steve lets out a breath, but while of course sorries don't fix anything... she means it in the right way, and it doesn't hurt to hear, not when,] Yeah. Me, too.

I know.

[He does. He's not great at it, mostly because he refuses to let what he can't do color how he feels and what he does. But he knows.

He also knows, deep down, that if something happens to him again, it's going to be awful for Bucky, and maybe that's not the greatest reason for self-preservation, but it's a reason, and does it really matter why, in the end?] I remember how to get by like this just fine. Got an inhaler and the infirmary's free, I'm about twenty steps ahead of where I was in 1943.

[He does reach up, though, for just a second, and give the hand on his shoulder a squeeze.] Plus, I've got people like you to give me shit if I don't.

[She could press the issue, point out that she wasn't just talking about returning to pre-serum; she doesn't see much mileage in that, though, and settles for smirking at him, for leaving her hand there a moment longer.]

Rogers, you've never had anyone like me. [But she's teasing now, letting their previous discussion go even as she steps away to claim one of the other chairs now.

She'll let them move on to talking about other things, because she does really enjoy his company, and she does respect him, does care about him; but she'll be keeping an eye out for him in the weeks to come anyway, just in case.]

[He laughs a little, tilting his head thoughtfully.] No, actually. I really haven't. Probably my loss, I'm guessing, too.

[She's a good influence here, he thinks. Not perfect - but good. Besides, no one is perfect, so all anyone can ask for is good. She cares about people, fiercely, and... they need people like that.]

[ooc: I'm willing to let this fade, unless you wanted to have them talk about anything else specifically!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

☆ 33 ☆ (TEXT; Private to Bucky | SPAM; OTA)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject